The urge to control

Of all the urges that people have ,  this one is the worst .No , its not just control freaks who have the urge to control everyone and everything around them , every human reaches a point in life when that sudden urge dominates him/her . I am not justifying these people , I am simply stating a fact . I am of the opinion , that at least the wiser and older should keep a check on these , the younger are always in the process of learning things and well the foolish , well they are after all foolish . I know when you read the term “control” , the scary boss or the angry “where were you all night” parents come to mind . Well to tell you the truth , they do inspire me to write , but bigger operators of our life than these pathetically amiable creatures are , yes you guessed it , spouses and girlfriends/boyfriends .

The Bosses – Well I haven’t really had any bosses to control me ,( I have been the controller hahaha )so my expertise in this field is rather limited . However, when my parents do come back from a tiring day, their curses do give me some insight . The Bosses are not necessarily employers in some company , the bosses range from principal’s and supervisors in schools , to team leaders in extra-curricular projects , to even club heads , class reps .  I know it seems silly that a class representative could be a boss , but the justification they give for their “control” is the same as that of the big company bosses . Well the justification is that “ I am giving them money/guidance so they better work the way I want them to “ . Mind you missy , they are not going to say this to you on your face , they are rather sly ( not their human nature , just comes with the job ) , when they really need you they will keep you on a leash , and when they don’t they will become all sober , become teary eyed and tell how the chairman is pressurizing them to get more output . So in a way the urge to control in case of bosses is justifiable as long as it’s not your holidays ,relationships or pregnancy leaves they are controlling .

Next up are the very amiable

Parents – well the simple fact that they are the reason you are here , gives them ample reason to control you , mind you , you are not their toys or projects , you are the simplest form of love for them , their heart .

The problem is that sometimes they become the” Warlock's hairy heart” from the “Tales of Beetle the Bard “, they lock you down in a basement saying that they want to keep their heart away from the problems and hardships of the world . The only problem is that the heart becomes hairy, rebellious and rather irritated . if there is any point that I have tried to make with the analogy is this , as long as parents are protective and instructive everything works out well . Things complicate when they don’t want you to grow up and not be their little baby anymore . the moment you become all mature and start going for parties you get the title “Awaragard” .

Lovers

Hmm , lovers and spouses all of them have the perpetual need to control you , they call it love , I call it control . the control starts in the early days itself , dropping hints for you to call them ( missed calls ) , or for you incite them on a date (   “I love having coffee with someone I like” or “ The best date is a coffee date “etc ) . They might even hint you to get them gifts on the first date itself ( the occasional , “Oh I love orchids ,they are the sign of a positive beginning” ) . It does not stop here my love , the positions , the songs , the kind of dance everything is peeped into and commanded to change too . Your friends are interviewed in the most subtle ways possible , and well the opposite sex ( lets just say keep them very very far ) . To tell you the truth , they cannot help it , and well if you are one hear it from “The seeker” , you can’t help it my dear . your lover showers you with love , takes up on all the hints you give , changes oneself for your happiness , so please let them have the whip for some time and roll around like a circus tiger even if it hurts your ego .

The world is a jungle and  everyone wants to be the lion ( even though I am the Leo here hahaha ) . Just make sure you are not the perpetual circus lion :p , and when you are in doubt , just give me a call ( comment silly :p)

My journey through Falling Angels by Tracy Chevalier

Falling Angels – by Tracy Chevalier

  Most readers might have heard about the book “Girl with a pearl earring” by the same author. Well I came across this one in the most strange way possible . I was once doing volunteer duty in my school library and saw some of the stationary being thrown away , papers , dry pens , etc and along with them a book with a very boring cover . I picked it up and took it to the librarian , telling her how I found it .She was however very disinterested and told me its origins weren’t known to her and it was too much of a pain to check whose book it was .Anyways I left it there and went on my way .Strangely so , at the end of the day I found it on my bag . I took it to the lost and found department to submit it . The usually friendly Mr Sharma ,acted like a complete pain in the *** and gave it back to me , saying he was tired of school and cant take such sill y responsibilities .Finally , determined as I am , I took it to the principal asking her to decide on the matter .The busiest person in the school was never busy when it came to books ( a former English teacher ) and she says to me after I tell her the entire story “Karan , why don’t you read it , if you like it keep it , if not we will give it to one of the class libraries “ .I knew there was more to the book than was being said for . And so I went home and began with the first page , it starts with a seemingly middle aged woman complaining about the  horrible night she had with the stranger and how infidelity becomes a real sin only when its not fun . The book has no protagonist .  It is about two families , each with a combo of characters . A myriad it seems is the book all about in the beginning . The voices are so mixed and never complete. There are too many gaps everywhere it seems . For the major part of the story ,Kitty Coleman dominates the movement , the physical one at least . Her random attention-seeking decisions , love affairs with cemetery heads , and her act in the women’s rights movement , her imprisonment and finally her death . The story is see from different perspectives , sometimes from little Maude’s at other times from the snobby Livy , the shallow Gertrude Waterhousse , and off course Kitty Coleman  herself . There is a friendship between Livy , Maude and the grave digger’ son .It is difficult to describe what is so special about it is hard to express in words . It’s a simple book set in Britain  , at the time of the women’s movement after Queen Victoria’s death .there is a great power even I simplicity , which is well reflected in this book . Even though its no thriller it is a book  will keep you awake for long nights . I did what my principal asked me to do , I read it and you know what? I still have it .The mystery was finally revealed when on the last page were written the initials of my principal. I cherish the book , not because of the initials , or the story behind getting it . I cherish it because it made me understand , something so meaningful in life , something that I keep in my heart safe and sound . I hope you get the same understanding . Now go get it and read it .

P.S – The cover of the book was too boring so I painted something on a hand-made paper and covered it with it . I have posted the picture below

UNTITLED

This entire week I was very happy, at first it was difficult to know what I was happy about .. but then it came to me and it made me happier still… I never thought I have always found it easy to talk to people but connecting with them is a different thing all together. I love to be around them, but it is difficult to find someone who makes you want to be the real you.

Mostly you find people who expect you to change or to be on the same wavelength as they are , but when a person wants you to be you ,it makes you smile like a 500watt bulb ( don’t know if 500watt bulbs exist but all the same ) . I guess it has more to do with the fact that , that person is already on your wavelength

People talk about trust, well I have a lot to say about trust , don’t trust facts , don’t trust a book with figures , trust only two things your experiences and your heart . for only your  heart knows you as well as anyone can , and it will give you the best advice possible .

Another observation I made over the week is that , accepting yourself , might make you happy or sad , but irrespective of that , it teaches you that you are unique and no less no more than anyone else because you are just that ,you are  UNIQUE .. and that is something you should be proud of .

I feel like singing and dancing ,  I keep dancing all the time and people ask what are you so happy about ( you see my exams are on , so its not a very happy time for my friends right now , haha. ) , but well I don’t have an answer. I am sorry readers , that even though I share everything with you , I have been just beating around the bush , when some one is happy after a long time he deserves some mystery doesn't he ?

Another point before I switch back to the lame place called the “real world” .. never take any one for granted , if a person trusts you and expresses it , give back that trust , don’t ask silly questions like- “why does that person trust me in the first place ?”

P.S – I speak from experience

Sometimes you hate yourself and cannot explain it

Sometimes you  hate yourself and cannot explain it. Its not always because of some fault of yours , a quality or the lack of it that causes it . Its just that you don't like yourself and nothing can change that feeling in that moment. Such a feeling is never felt by ordinary people , its rather a trait seen  in confident and talented ones . People like us seem very strong on the outside (Well! we are quite strong to be able to exude such confidence ) but we do have drastic mood swings as well . Sadness for instance is never ordinary , when  it comes,  it hits us like a wave . Hate is a very strong emotion ,  you cannot hate just any person , just as you don't love just any person   .But when you do hate a person , its the blackest , darkest feeling  in the world , its something that you hope you never experience again . Just imagine , what it would feel like , when you hate yourself .You look in every mirror that  you come across , asking yourself ,is this what you have become ? is this the same person that you wanted to become ?Its not some whim , where you  want to change everything about yourself ( its not about make overs ) rather its the frustration of not being able to change things, decisions and situations .Today , was a day that was at once eventful and uneventful . while nothing significant happened in the real world , it was my mind that was troubled , On a more positive note when you are done with hating yourself , you are able to view yourself with a clear head . You can better assess yourself and encourage yourself to do better , to make amends , and become the person you wanted to be with a more practical perspective in mind .In the end , I feel it was necessary for me to hate myself even if for a day . For it helped me better understand myself as a person and that's that :)
P.S - Please donot read it if you have a weak heart lol :)

I am taking part in the south asia challenge 2011

I am taking part in the south asian challenge i.e I am gonna try to read as many books by authors of the south asian subcontinent as possible...:) I encourage others to do so

The Hobbit - J.R.R Tolkien

I have been wanting to write the review of this book foe a long time
A light read , it did not take much time to go through the Hobbit, where in lies the genius of the great author for even though short it is no less thrilling .
"The Hobbit" takes us on an adventure in the  middle earth  with Bilbo , Gandalf and the dwarfs as our guides.It starts out with a very brief yet sufficient history of the Hobbits , their  habits , traits , traditions and settlements . Bilbo , a "Baggins" with a lot of "Took" in him is surprised to find a company of dwarfs arriving at his door complete with an empty belly and a thirst for booze after a short meet with the Grey wizard ( Mithrandier /Ganfalf ) .When the dwarfs challenge the competence of Bilbo in accompanying them on a journey in search of gold , the "Took"in him takes control , hence making him up for the advnture .What is to follow is quite the unexpected , from the disgusting orcs ,and the huge ( yet dumb )trolls, to the eerie spiders and the suspicious wood elves . All in all a thrilling journey . The final treasure hunt , tests the wits of the company , where only Bilbo surpasses the test .
The evil dragon  "Smaug"  acts as the cherry on top .
For those who have already read the trilogy , you will find , a detailed account of the encounter between Bilbo and Gollum. Furthermore all doubts that readers have in the greatness of Bilbo will be removed , making him rise in your eyes .
All in all a wonderful tale , The Hobbit is a good read . I suggest that those who wish to read the Lord of the rings series should read the prequel after reading the trilogy . For it would make it just that much more interesting . The book is not as fast paced as the L.T.R , and is more of a short story than a novel .
My rating 3.8 on 5

Thinking of starting another blog

Hi folks ,

I have been writing a lot of serious stuff , like book reviews , poems and articles , so I thought "Hey , lets write something on a more personal note " . I am writing this post on a weekend , after having seen the film "Nine Months" , and it occurs to me , that I have got so much to say about this film as well . Guaranteed , that a film is never as brilliantly detailed as a book , exceptions off course exist like - Frida , Brokeback Mountain , Dead Poet's Society , The Reader etc , never the less ; it got me thinking that I should start a blog about films as well .

I dont know if I should make it a seperate blog or just keep on writing about films in this blog itself . And so I think its best that I ask you the readers , on what I should do . Please do leave a  comment . I would also like to inform all readers that I am reading this book "The Glass Room" by "Simon Mawer" . I hope to post the review soon , the book does seem promising so far . :)

The Reluctant Fundamentalist - Mohsin Hamid

As I began reading the novel it struck me as light heartened , little did I know that the mere 184 pages had the depth of an ocean ,covering emotions that had only  been grazed over the surface before .  The  lyrical and practical style of the author impressed me a lot. 

This is a story about the inner struggle that a man goes through when he finds himself in a situation ,where he does not know who he is , where , his origin only complicates matters 

On a more straight forward note , this  novel is a narrative , the narrator being  "Changez" . Changez is born and brought up in a Pakistani elite family and goes on to study at Princeton . His personality and qualifications get him a job in a top of the notch service sector enterprise "Underwood Samson". A very diluted presence of love hangs all along , the love by the name of "Erica" . It is saddening that the beauty of this love is felt briefly while the loss of it ( which does happen in due course) is  presence that hangs around forever. Someone once said that when thunder falls , it befalls with all the might of the Gods . A similar situation occurs in Changez's Life A series of events- the 9/11 ,A terrorist attack on India's parliament & breaking down of Erica sucks the fundamentalist out of him  

MY PERSONAL COMMENTS

Changez is the prefect example of an eastern man who embraced A western world , A western woman and A western way of life .... All of which disappointed him.

The novel is so written that it leaves space for a lot of argument and interpretation , it does not force the view of Changez on you neither does it compel you to have a view , it simply states , how the man felt and what were his experiences .

For instance it does make one wonder on the symbolism of the actions of America post 9/11 . The book says and I quote " Your( American ) country's flag invaded new york after the attacks , it was everywhere . Small flags stuck on toothpicks featured in the shrines .They all seemed to proclaim: We are America - Not New York, which in my opinion , means something quite different - the mightiest civilization the world has ever known ; you have slighted us ; beware of our wrath "  

We find Changez in an identity crises more than once , something that many Asians living abroad can relate to . When he visits his home in Pakistan , his repulsion towards his very own "elite" house ( full with cracked paint , and leaking pipes ) makes him realize his dominantly American perspective of life .

This story also highlights the concept of fundamentalism in great depth . If only Changez had stuck to his fundamental principles he would have lived a better life .

Last but simply not the least this novel also encompasses a tender love story , one that does break your heart 

All in all a beautiful novel ,my   rating 4 on 5

Even Sadness can sing

A painting I made that inspired me to write this poem

 When the sky isn't blue enough
The air suffocates you
This sadness is not something to weep over
For when has anyone ever wept over emptiness
What is this void , tell me more
It makes me crazy , saddened to all folks
They ask me , what is the matter
But all I do is nod and say
Just let me be , just let me be , I pray
Oh! what beauty ,
oh! what light Its alas! all so very bright
But ask me and I would nod
Ask I from myself and I would avoid
For sometimes there are secrets that no confidant can share
Secrets that make you weep and make you glare
But uff!! just let it be
Who is gonna hear my appeal
For no sad man can ever appeal
All he can do is pray
But pray he must
Pray he must
Else even his loneliness is going to leave him lonesome
Grieved ,aghast and gloom-some.