Life has a penchant for dark humor

A couple of days ago a friend of mind posted a status on facebook: he wished that were there to be a time machine; he would go back and change his past.

How many of us think about important or at times not-so important decisions that we wished we could change? Almost everyone.

I pondered over this, I consciously thought of the things I would have done differently had I been in possession of a time machine. It dawned on me that doing one thing differently would in turn bring about a different set of problems, a new set of mistakes and henceforth a different set of reasons to be dissatisfied with life. No matter how many times we use this time machine, we would be tempted to go back to our past. Take for instance travelling. A wrong turn not only helps prevents us from repeating the same mistake but also helps us in finding an alternate way to reach our destination or better still find a way no one has yet discovered. Life teaches us things in queer ways. In all honesty I too get troubled by the dark humour that “Life” has a penchant for. At the end of the day though, there is no light without dark. The lessons that we learn are taught to us in outlandish ways, we are made to go round a circle only to realise that the first step was a mistake. Something similar happened to me today, something that triggered this post.

One of my speakers wasn’t working - not a big deal - but when the time came to watch the season finale of Glee, I had to do something about it. It just so happens that I have an NSX-0757 Aiwa music system, a powerful system about 15(or more) years old with 5 speakers(one central 8ohm, two surround sound 16ohm and two 6ohm rectangular speakers). This system has been out of use for the media it uses is obsolete (CD’s, Cassets and FM) the speakers however, give out awesome sound quality (made in Japan). I took out the wiring, scrapped the plastic to get rust free wires, tried them, tested the pins – the works. All the speakers worked perfectly when tested individually and I could replace the ruined speaker with any one of them, which I did – initially. 6 great sounding speakers however makes one greedy. I did everything in my power to work the Aiwa amplifier to take the input from my computer – to no avail. Finally when all was done, I literally sat down on the floor only to notice that the spoiled speaker had a simple break in its wiring. A 5 minute fix as opposed to an hours worth of tinkering with the Aiwa music system, googling impedence, connections, NSX systems etc.

Lesson learnt – First address the root of the problem rather than uprooting a beautiful tree, pruning it and trying to plant it in your backyard.

   

doodle-shoodle.tumblr.com

I started a tumblr a while back called www.doodle-shoodle.tumblr.com with the intention of putting everyday doodles that I make whenever my mind wanders off to a different world. It doesn't matter whether its a classroom, a metro/bus ride, what matters is how wild and wondrous these seemingly innocent doodles spring out from my imagination.

The doodle above is one of my favorites and happens to be not only the favicon for the tumblr but also my current profile picture on facebook. All copyrights belong to Karan Leo Arts

This is how Ms Mayalakshmi Rao, ace photographer and CTT head describes the doodle

.

"a Kali gone a little crazy, a Kali who is part male, a Shiv unleashing his locks and letting the Ganges go 

upwards, an acrobat, each of us in our daily balancing act - in balance, yet rising

ME having a good hair day "

Getting past all that noise

I perceive a saddening perception

it is? but it is!

To get past that noise to the sweet melody

 Melody however is forever present 

Eeesh! the noise is a leech

yet no salt will kill it 

 go back to my humble abode

thinking about thinking, no bounds no escape 

perception kills time

observation enthralls 

if only i could do something about it 

looking past  is just not enough

 I am an observer. I observe things, people, that leafless tree, that sad man and that gay puppy. It is not for the purpose of entertainment, not always, its just a part of me , I am an observer and that's that .

Are you afraid of the dark?

When I was a little child, I found it hard to sleep without at least one light on. My parents employed a baby-steps strategy. They increased the distance between me and the nearest source of light gradually. It so happened that as the external source of light moved away from me, the light inside of me started to shine brighter.  Today, and in several moments of several days I feel proud of this little thing, "look, Mummy I can sleep even in pitch black darkness". The fear of the proverbial darkness of the unknown, unsettles all of us from time to time. Knowledge that brings us shame or guilt is infact more frightening.

I have learnt a few things from my encounters with the dark.
It will come sweeping in, blow your mind and threaten to destroy you - only if you let it.
Like any battle, you would loose this one too if you don't show up at the battle field- Don't forfeit, you owe yourself more than that.
There will be times when you may feel lost, you may not know who to turn to, what to do, that is not to say however that this state  is permanent. Say it out loud- this too shall pass.
Understand the cause of this dominance of black on your canvas, it may wound you. But you see, wounds heal.
No one man can conquer darkness, just as there is no, one master of light . Therefore what I have said is incomplete for even my own battle with darkness is on.
I leave you, readers with some quotes from one of my favorite fictional characters- Albus Dumbledore.

“Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, when one only remembers to turn on the light.”
 “After all to the well organized mind, death is but the next great adventure.”"
"It’s the unknown we fear when we look upon death and darkness, nothing more."

Document your mistakes, Set yourself free

Documenting your mistakes is probably more important than framing your achievments and hanging them on a wall . Our regrets and mistakes are embedded in our heart , and just as I have said it time and again , your experiences and the voice of your heart our the most accurate resources to become a better happier person .  Since regrets and mistakes are housed by our heart it is only right that we go back to them , not to feel pain , but to learn from them . One should not forget harsh / hard times - Let me rephrase . One should not forget the lessons learnt from hard times , remembering the pain is fool's choice .
I have been reading , analysing and noticing a patten in my actions . Even as the pattern is intact , it is collapsing , the vicious cycle of careless thoughtless mistakes is breaking . Four days of "nonsense" is replaced by three days of "silliness" , soon it will become four days of "Optimal Usage" .
And so I suggest to all , give up your egos , learn from your follies , become a better person .
Shine Shine
Come , let's talk to the divine
Let that sun shine ,
let the moon whisper into your ears catch you unawares
Bask in the warmth ,
Bask in their mystery ,
Willful endeavors aren't easy to take on
but that's the fun of it you horny little fellow ;)

Enough tears shed- Fight Violence, in your own way .

Women have been my muse for several of my works, these very women have suffered injustice over the ages. I have expressed my views on ways in which justice may be brought about.

They are typified, objectified, stereotyped and suppressed  in most cultures around the world. Women's suffrage in the modern world was granted earliest in 1881 and is yet to be granted in extremist countries like Saudi Arabia and Vatican City.
Who shall we put the blame upon?
Man? The misogynistic, chauvinistic and  hypocritical prude? After all, it is he who is responsible for disgracing the very gender that gives him life. He who rapes and abuses her.
As easy as it is to put the blame on the big bad wolf, blame games seldom help in bringing about a change. Gandhi preached standing up against injustice, to allow oneself to be oppressed is a greater crime than oppression itself. It's easy to be a victim of society's brutality and atrocity. Courage however is needed to break free. Men need to be sensitized; more importantly though the women need to stand up, raise their voice and hold their ground.

Having said that, Woman having been beaten black and blue, physically as well as emotionally, reflect these very colours on their metaphoric palette. Men can change this, by painting vibrant hues of vermilion, yellows, and pinks on their canvases.

Charity begins at home . My experiences have shown me , that we as individuals are big time hypocrites when it comes to bringing about a change in practice. All parents are liberal about LGBT rights , issues etc but if their daughter/son announces that she/he is Queer , then suddenly , it becomes a crime , all liberalness disappears . Same with the issues concerning women , put one step out of line , and there goes the “Gender Equality”. Argue and be silenced by a slap! Why is the “line of control “ drawn a few inches closer for women than for men?
The following incident, hopefully, shows some light on this very issue.  A friend of mine who happens to be the son of an IAS Officer  witnessed  the scene of a man beating his wife black and blue  ( an Indian Foreign Services officer at that). Moreover his poor mother , in an attempt to protect her daughter-in-law, was pushed and thrown on  the floor.  My friend, called me later that day to narrate the incident as he saw it , I asked him to do a simple thing - ring the bell ( ghanti bajao ). And  yes ,  the next day , when a similar thing happened , it worked . The bell stopped the violence. And even though  it was I who suggested ringing a bell at the time,  I don’t consider  it as a permanent or the best solution .
Ringing the bell  made the man aware of people listening and watching him commit these acts. It didn’t make him realise that the acts are wrong , only that society is watching him, judging him.
So what do we do? How do we protect women?

The question “how do we protect women ?” is the bigger  problem .
A better question, wherein lies the answer is, “How do women protect themselves ? “
Women need to be empowered. In every way , only then can they stand up for themselves . Unless you respect yourself , you cannot expect others to respect you .
As far as urban areas go , an attitude  and  the right body language can speak volumes. Women , especially working women capable of supporting themselves , need to let their men know. “Respect me as much as I respect you or simply FORGET IT”.
As far as rural women go , financial support is an issue , not because they don’t work , but because they don’t respect themselves enough to consider their work -labour- as work .
Moreover, a mafia of sorts can work wonders , women looking out for each other . No matter how bad the conditions in rural India , a large group ( like Bollywood dances ) works wonders . Urban societies can have a similar arrangement .
One of the major obstacles in the working of  such a group is not its effectiveness or  formation. The problem is that most women hold their personal and family lives very close to their heart , and would rather suffer than speak out about  domestic violence (brining us back to the need  for self-respect) .
To arm oneself is equally important. Kick-boxing , karate , kung-fu, pepper sprays are essential not only to protect oneself from domestic violence, but also from dangerous strangers/stalkers/attackers etc .
A rolling pin ( “belan” ) is more than sufficient to disfigure a man’s features, facial and otherwise( other utensils work the same ) .
The solution , is not in the weapon, but in the attitude .
Just like with paintings , there are plenty of tools. I work with one , another works with the other. What matters is the expression. The song sung by a baritone or a nightingale is sweet, when the melody strikes a chord :P , when the words make sense .

P.S-

This Blog is part of the Men Say No Blogathon, encouraging men to take up action against the violence faced by women. 

More entries to the Blogathon can be read at www.mustbol.in/blogathon. Join further conversation on facebook.com/delhiyouth & twitter.com/mustbol

P.P.S-The painting below is symbolic of many things , but it is also symbolic of the condition of women today , their lives , their troubles . There is darkness , pitch darkness in crevices ,corners , doors and windows  where injustice breeds , where screams are silenced and the bruised are bruised again . 

 At the same time there is light , so much light .If only this light could enter those corners all such acts would end and give way to a better society . How this light shall enter ? . Well its  not a difficult answer to come up with .  ( especially if you have read the post above ;) ) 

TO Be or NOT to Be

This article is dedicated to every Engineer who ever thought or still thinks of another artistic career that will some how cross paths on the road to  the engineering degree or perhaps if not that ,then en-route the post grad one . Since I am pretty fresh from my 1st semester , I do not have sufficient experience to claim or declaim the promises of competitions that supposedly keep our artistic passions alive irrespective I am definite,  that even if there were such competitions , the regret of not having been able to become  a novelist , artist or sculptor etc does not fade away by competing in contests . But then again , what to choose? stability or passion ? It all comes to -which road are you willing to take - the one less traveled by or the one that has ,on it faded footsteps of known-unknown alike .Engineers are problem solvers and so a sense of practicality and logic is inherent in most of their decisions , but what happens when this practicality is fused together with the eccentricity of an artist . The combination can turn out to be at once disastrous and spectacular depending on the way you view it . I am of the belief that one can have the best of both worlds , you can be at once an engineer and a novelist ( or the like )  , all it requires is perseverance , dedication  and passion .As with every failure , we blame ours on destiny , or perhaps will of God but that is simply stating - cowardice , if you couldn't succeed in  making the two things work together , then blame yourself and know that- maybe you never  were as dedicated as the next guy .Situations do play an important role , but situations do not  make your life , you make your life by acting in the right or wrong way in such situations . As hard as all of this sounds , it isn't , for there are innumerous examples , personalities and lives that can inspire and motivate us every day . For instance “Arundhati Roy” - author of acclaimed novel "God of small things" is also an architect , “Chetan Bhagat” is not only an author but also a consultant/engineer , “Karan Bajaj “- author of "Johnny Gone Down" is also part of this group ,”Heddy Larner” was a  Hollywood actress who made significant contributions to engineering , there are many fashion designer that were initially doctors, engineer turned models etc  . Just look in the right places and you will find your own personal flame of hope , warming  and inspiring you  always . I hope all of you get to this destination and figure out whether " To be or Not to be”.

Sometimes you hate yourself and cannot explain it

Sometimes you  hate yourself and cannot explain it. Its not always because of some fault of yours , a quality or the lack of it that causes it . Its just that you don't like yourself and nothing can change that feeling in that moment. Such a feeling is never felt by ordinary people , its rather a trait seen  in confident and talented ones . People like us seem very strong on the outside (Well! we are quite strong to be able to exude such confidence ) but we do have drastic mood swings as well . Sadness for instance is never ordinary , when  it comes,  it hits us like a wave . Hate is a very strong emotion ,  you cannot hate just any person , just as you don't love just any person   .But when you do hate a person , its the blackest , darkest feeling  in the world , its something that you hope you never experience again . Just imagine , what it would feel like , when you hate yourself .You look in every mirror that  you come across , asking yourself ,is this what you have become ? is this the same person that you wanted to become ?Its not some whim , where you  want to change everything about yourself ( its not about make overs ) rather its the frustration of not being able to change things, decisions and situations .Today , was a day that was at once eventful and uneventful . while nothing significant happened in the real world , it was my mind that was troubled , On a more positive note when you are done with hating yourself , you are able to view yourself with a clear head . You can better assess yourself and encourage yourself to do better , to make amends , and become the person you wanted to be with a more practical perspective in mind .In the end , I feel it was necessary for me to hate myself even if for a day . For it helped me better understand myself as a person and that's that :)
P.S - Please donot read it if you have a weak heart lol :)

Thinking of starting another blog

Hi folks ,

I have been writing a lot of serious stuff , like book reviews , poems and articles , so I thought "Hey , lets write something on a more personal note " . I am writing this post on a weekend , after having seen the film "Nine Months" , and it occurs to me , that I have got so much to say about this film as well . Guaranteed , that a film is never as brilliantly detailed as a book , exceptions off course exist like - Frida , Brokeback Mountain , Dead Poet's Society , The Reader etc , never the less ; it got me thinking that I should start a blog about films as well .

I dont know if I should make it a seperate blog or just keep on writing about films in this blog itself . And so I think its best that I ask you the readers , on what I should do . Please do leave a  comment . I would also like to inform all readers that I am reading this book "The Glass Room" by "Simon Mawer" . I hope to post the review soon , the book does seem promising so far . :)

Even Sadness can sing

A painting I made that inspired me to write this poem

 When the sky isn't blue enough
The air suffocates you
This sadness is not something to weep over
For when has anyone ever wept over emptiness
What is this void , tell me more
It makes me crazy , saddened to all folks
They ask me , what is the matter
But all I do is nod and say
Just let me be , just let me be , I pray
Oh! what beauty ,
oh! what light Its alas! all so very bright
But ask me and I would nod
Ask I from myself and I would avoid
For sometimes there are secrets that no confidant can share
Secrets that make you weep and make you glare
But uff!! just let it be
Who is gonna hear my appeal
For no sad man can ever appeal
All he can do is pray
But pray he must
Pray he must
Else even his loneliness is going to leave him lonesome
Grieved ,aghast and gloom-some.

Being Selfish is a Fantabulous thing

Hello people!!

I am glad that you are reading what I have to say .

i was wondering that so many things we do , you know , which make us feel selfish , but you know what we are wrong at this . You see we humans , or so to say most of us are selfless people , and not in a very good way at that .We look good, as in make pecs and abs , or stylize hair , to look good in "other" people's eyes , we wear ill fitting clothes that are comfortable yet stylish to catch "others" eyes , we even buy cars that leaks are pockets into oblivion to look good and up-preppy in "others" eyes . All this and more , all for other people .You could say ( as in earlier times ) that all this was done to attract a suitable mate , to produce healthy offspring that carry the family name forward , but amidst 100's of one-night-stands , failed marriages, and time-pass relationships , we can rule this out and for good . Well as much as i would like to give a solution to you , I am unable to do it ,this is one of the every irrevocable sins committed . Well all this must make you wonder what is then selfishness , well its not all that complicated once you come to think of it ,it is right in-front of you , career , not the career based on achieving a lot of success but the career of one's choice , a career , a job that makes one truly happy, a creation , an innovation , preservation , conservation , all this and more is selfishness . a thing of beauty is a joy forever , and the joy of being the creator of that thing of beauty , is so splendid that it bring tears to your eyes , which are far from salty , but like honey ( if you taste them that is). Love gives you true happiness , and happiness is selfishness , When in doubt close your eyes , and think about your actions , are these the actions that make you happy ( without any strings attached ) or is it something else . Wanting success is far from being a selfish deed ,well in most cases that is anyway . For most people try to achieve success to show-off for people to prove to some unknown stranger that he/she is an achiever , amidst this fever , one forgets the way one wanted to achieve success in the first place , and before he/she realizes this its either too late , or a situation that make one hate oneself irrevocably . Offcourse sometimes success is to prove to oneself , to make one happy at these and only these times is success selfish and very much beneficial . So go out and have some fun .... Its the "Seeker of seeking thing's" order be SELFISH

I have written little about this topic for there is a lot to explore in it,... i suggest reading the following titles

The Fountain Head- Ayn Ra

Atlas Shrugged - Ayn Rand

This will reaffirm concepts of "need-to-be-selfish" , Altruism and Objectivism in the minds of those who believe in it

And form ground for those who do not and will start believing soon .

I would also like to put some quotes of this great author ...And would soon write a book review for all those who would like to see whether the effect of the book is similar on us or not.
.A creative man is motivated by the desire to achieve, not by the desire to beat others.  -Ayn Rand 

A desire presupposes the possibility of action to achieve it; action presupposes a goal which is worth achieving.-Ayn RandAchievement of your happiness is the only moral purpose of your life, and that happiness, not pain or mindless self-indulgence, is the proof of your moral integrity, since it is the proof and the result of your loyalty to the achievement of your values.-Ayn Rand

Every man builds his world in his own image. He has the power to choose, but no power to escape the necessity of choice.

Ayn Rand

Rediscovering India rediscovering yourself

Stories of explorers and archaeologists discovering evidence supporting the existence of faith , religion , spirituality and belief in a superpower (God ) aren’t unheard of .The search for truth is no different for followers of Hinduism than it is for preachers of the other faiths. Then again is it?

We have often criticized the way of life “Hinduism” and religious texts advice Hindus to follow, while the criticism is necessary in itself, in doing so we have neglected the very depths of our own history of thought. Hindus have always been conscious of the concept of parallel universes, a world divided into Maya and Truth, by the Gods. The division of men into castes is no longer relevant and yet we are constantly aware of these divisions made by man 

.Despite the error of our ways, there is one thought that has perpetrated our minds for centuries. The belief that God is within us, the knowledge that we are responsible for the life we lead and awareness of a power that guides us , this power is not just above , it is the power inside .For a lot of people who refuse to believe in God , the image of God for them is that of a magician , someone who ideally “should”  treat ill people , fight evil , and perform miracles .God cannot solve all our problems, what God is capable of doing is ease our problems not by a miracle but by giving us strength , strength to deal with the situations in which we call him for our assistance. He or she is the torch that enlightens us . Haven’t we often compared our parents and Gurus with God? They cannot perform miracles though at least not in the literal sense of the word. We do not need to search for God, or see him,he is always around us. However, listening to him can help steer clear most obstacles. Listen to his voice. The above discussion isn’t specific to Hinduism, the discussion is about sensitivity to a higher power. 

If you go exploring and digging up for truths and secrets hidden under multiple realms of our country you shall find - NOTHING for truth is seldom hidden, all has been laid out in the open. You don’t need to go to places to enlighten your soul, you don’t have to cross geographical boundaries, all you have to do is have some faith and take the leap into the realms of clarity, places without deception. Even as it isn’t necessary to go to different places, there are places where one crosses over the fragile veil between Maya and truth .The very soil on which we stand has witnessed all that has passed,one might argue that how different is one place from the other and I agree the soil is no different . The soil isn’t different but the air which we breathe is, what has passed on different soils is deterministic. Only when you clear the air of deception will you be able to  breathe in the true aroma of the soil which is nothing but the aroma of your own thought . This is what India teaches me everyday, despite the mirages that surround us , the truth is not hard to get to , for these mirages  do not hide the truth they simply co-exist , just as mythology and history do.