Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Sometimes you hate yourself and cannot explain it

Sometimes you  hate yourself and cannot explain it. Its not always because of some fault of yours , a quality or the lack of it that causes it . Its just that you don't like yourself and nothing can change that feeling in that moment. Such a feeling is never felt by ordinary people , its rather a trait seen  in confident and talented ones . People like us seem very strong on the outside (Well! we are quite strong to be able to exude such confidence ) but we do have drastic mood swings as well . Sadness for instance is never ordinary , when  it comes,  it hits us like a wave . Hate is a very strong emotion ,  you cannot hate just any person , just as you don't love just any person   .But when you do hate a person , its the blackest , darkest feeling  in the world , its something that you hope you never experience again . Just imagine , what it would feel like , when you hate yourself .You look in every mirror that  you come across , asking yourself ,is this what you have become ? is this the same person that you wanted to become ?Its not some whim , where you  want to change everything about yourself ( its not about make overs ) rather its the frustration of not being able to change things, decisions and situations .Today , was a day that was at once eventful and uneventful . while nothing significant happened in the real world , it was my mind that was troubled , On a more positive note when you are done with hating yourself , you are able to view yourself with a clear head . You can better assess yourself and encourage yourself to do better , to make amends , and become the person you wanted to be with a more practical perspective in mind .In the end , I feel it was necessary for me to hate myself even if for a day . For it helped me better understand myself as a person and that's that :)
P.S - Please donot read it if you have a weak heart lol :)

2 comments:

the lost gypsy said...

talking to yourself, analysing yourself, thinking about what you did when you did and whau you did as well... but hating yourself to understand.. now thats a new one

Blog owner :) said...

Awww... you did read it after all , well my writing style is not half as good as yours , but I am me and I see life always with a twisted angle , if u know what I mean .